NYC or Bust!

Remember this?

Our Louie win for our Tool Card

NO? Well, maybe you remember THIS…

Kelsey Grammar performing in La Cage Aux Folles

Yes, that’s Kelsey Grammar at the EXACT moment he was in cahoots with the flight attendant (and future Mrs. Frasier) while Camille went loco on Kyle in Beverly Hills, having NO idea her man was getting his groove on in NYC.  And we were there. Oh yeah, and that first picture is us living it up in New York City at the LOUIE Awards Ceremony last May, which coincides with The National Stationery Show each year. Go Team Kiwi! (And team Kyle).

We found out we were nominated so we made the trip up to attend the awards show, won a LOUIE and had a blast! But this year it’s time to go big or go home. We have an actual booth at the Stationery Show! This is a who’s who in our industry and there will be buyers from retail stores all over the country shopping for new products to sell. We’ve reached the critical time for our young business to sh*t or get off the pot and share our creative genius with the world!

Apparently, fame doesn’t come cheap. So, we need your support (and by support, we mean money) to get us there!

To help you help us, we are offering FREE SHIPPING on ALL cards and wine tags THIS WEEK ONLY! That’s right. Buy any amount of cards from now until February 27th, and receive FREE SHIPPING (just enter promotion code HELPKIWI at checkout.)

(Cue sad music…) For just the price of one Kiwi Tree box set, you can help keep The Kiwi Tree alive. All proceeds will go towards getting us to the National Stationery Show in NYC to exhibit our cards, save us from extinction and, basically, save the world.

OK, that last bit may have been an exaggeration for emphasis. But the FREE SHIPPING part was totally legit.

 

Wine Tags and New Cards and…Wine Tags, oh my!

It’s a big week for The Kiwi Tree as we expand our product line to include Wine bottle greeting cards!

But really, are you surprised? It was only a matter of time before we figured out how to include alcohol in one way or another. During one of our “concepting sessions” (read: wine and reality TV nights), we got to thinking. What is a great alternative to sending just a greeting card?  We thought and thought, and poured some more wine and thought some more. And then…EUREKA! Wine is such a fabulous go-to gift, but where to put the card? Why not make a card FOR the bottle? And not just a pretty little tag, but a real Kiwi card, full of all the wit and sometimes offensive humor as our original cards. So the wine tag was born!

The hidden gem? Don’t just use them for wine…

Does your friend who just got a new job just love her yummy microbrews? Get her a 22 oz beer and throw on our new Congratulations tag! Be sure to check the right box…

Okay, I know it’s pictured on a wine bottle, but work with me here.

Next senario. You’re heading to a party where the host is famous for his dirty martinis. I think you know where the night is headed. Wish them luck for tomorrow morning.

Check out our other Wine Bottle Greeting Cards here. Housewarming, Congratulations (champagne for a new baby, anyone?), Holidays or just a bottle of wine brought to a girls night on a Tuesday. There’s something for everyone!

And of course, check out our newly added greeting cards. Here are a few, but go to our website to see them all.

The Amazing Kiwi Girls

In excitement for the upcoming premiere of the Amazing Race17, let me enlighten you on two Kiwi girls obsession with the show. For the past year or so (maybe longer), fellow Kiwi girl Kristin and I have been plotting to get on the Amazing Race. It’s been a dream for both of us and we feel that we have the right amount of brains and brawn (me being the brains, her being the brawn), as well as natural chutzpah combined with our movie star good looks- we are made for this show!

But honestly, we have talked at length and strategized about how we would handle each road block, detour and challenge that would come our way. For instance, I am not a strong swimmer. In a swimming challenge, Kristin could handle that with ease given her college swimming background. But for say, maybe a beer drinking challenge? Well shit, I’ve got that one in the bag! I’ve been consistently training since I was 21. Maybe even a little before, but for legal reasons- 21.

We’ve also talked about challenges that could make or break you. For me- something that I feel I could absolutely NOT do is eat really crazy things like insects, spiders, starfish, and anything that still has eyes attached. Another would be to strip down to my skivvies and run almost naked in a crowded city. Yes, these are actual challenges.

So I’ve put together a list of tips for Amazing Race contestants, future contestants and maybe just even all around life lessons:

• Learn morse code.    …  .  .-. .. — ..- … .-.. -.–    Just sayin.
• Remember your best friend Karma. She can be a saint or bitch when she comes back around.
• Each learn the basics of a different language. Kristin- you go ahead and take Mandarin. I’ll take Australian, mate.
• Don’t ever lose your passport. Finding a US Embassy in the Seychelles can be a real problem.
• Pair yourself with someone who is essentially fearless and fiercely competitive (like I have). They’ll pick up the slack for your lazy ass.
• Practice carrying things on your head. Laundry, buckets of water, your dog. Whatever.
• Given the choice of the challenge where one involves animals and the other doesn’t? Always choose the non-animal challenge. You can never trust a spitting llama.
• Never underestimate the power of your taxi driver. He/she can cost you $1 million dollars.
• Don’t be afraid to throw elbows or knock down flight attendants and passengers while exiting an airplane.
• READ THE ENTIRE CLUE. I’ve seen so many seemingly intelligent people completely lose the game because they didn’t read that they had eat the entire pickled herring, even the head.

But nothing, not all the training, plotting, practicing, strategizing in the world could ever prepare ourselves for this:

Oh snap is right!

Carey V’s Picks and Pans

Last night I tuned in to the Emmy’s, not to see who won Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series, but specifically  to see which celebrities should fire their stylists. I may not be Rachel Zoe, but I do know that just because it’s a Zac Posen doesn’t mean you should wear it in public.

Here’s my list of ugliest frocks to hit the red carpet last night. What makes me qualified to make these judgement calls? Well, I have eyes, for one…

Here’s Anna Paquin in Alexander McQueen. I get that when an artist dies, people pay homage by showing off the artist’s work. But this dress makes Sookie look like she’s part armadillo.

Award season is the time of  year I start to question my faith in my favorite celebs based on their failed ensembs. For instance, I love Mad Men. But Christina and January have let me down year after year. Christina Hedrick’s boobs look phenomenal in this dress. Other than that, I feel like this is a robe that Blanche Devereaux wore several times during the third season of Golden Girls.

And January Jones, you’re no better in your “Versace skinned a gigantic blue fish to create this scaley look” dress with teeny tiny saucers to cover your nipples.

Heidi — cute dress, but we can practically see your snuffleupagus.

Now, this dress I don’t mind. What I really want to know though, is how did Paula Abdul get invited to the Emmy’s this year? Is her QVC show blowing up?

To quote Tom & Lorenzo of Project Rungay, to all of the above celebs: “We’d say ‘fire your gays’ but there’s no way a gay signed off on this mess.”

Until next time, kittens. And stay tuned for the big reveal of The Kiwi Tree’s newest line of greeting cards!

Don’t be tardy for the party, and other TV life lessons.

So they say TV rots your brain. But now that reality TV is all the rage, they say it’s even worse. Well, who are “they” anyway? If you find out, could you let me know? Because I have news for “them.” Not only has reality TV not rotted my brain, but it has actually made me smarter.

Seriously. I have learned some valuable things and even some life lessons from my beloved DVR. Books? Kindle? Who needs it?

Allow me to offer some proof…

1.  I have learned that it’s probably not the best idea to spend thousands of dollars on furniture and accessories AFTER you’ve filed $11 million in bankruptcy. I’ll always be grateful for that piece of advice, thanks to Teresa from RHONJ.

2. Reduction, emulsion, foam,  confit, jicima, puree, sweet breads, infusion. I can now hold my own at any Michelin Star restaurant thanks to a little show called Top Chef.

3. Did you know that they have these little strips you can buy if you’re breast feeding and want to go out drinking and you can just dip them in the milk the next day to determine if there’s still alcohol in your system?!? Seriously. It’s true. Just ask Kourtney Kardashian.

4. Do not rob a bank/steal a car/deal drugs/violate your parole/beat your spouse and then not do the time. Because Dog the Bounty Hunter will find you, pretend like he’s your friend, give you words of inspiration and then lock your ass up.

5. Business ethics 101: If an employee is stealing from you, let the bitch go. Thanks for the tip, Rachel Zoe. You. Are. Ah-MAzing.

6. Drinking and Driving don’t mix. (Real World, Hawaii. Shout out to Ruthie!)

7. If I become a mom and start feeling really bad about myself and I start to feel like my only path to happiness is to live vicariously through my kids, I now know the solution is so simple. Put ’em in a pagent. Teach ’em how to dance. Buy them thousands of dollars worth of makeup, costumes and hair extensions. Convince myself that this is really what THEY want to do. It will be soooo FUN!

8. Don’t even get me started on all the stuff I’ve learned from The Amazing Race. Languages, culture, traditions, geography, the importance of a good cab driver…I could go on for days.

9. If I ever want to pursue my singing career, I now know that I need to cut back on my pack a day habit and stop drinking a bottle of wine before noon. That’s what they told Kim on Real Housewives of Atlanta and it totally worked.

***Bonus lesson! Um, could this message BE any clearer? Don’t be tardy for the party. It’s just rude.

And perhaps the most useful piece of knowledge comes from the Emmy award winning (see, QUALITY tv here, people) show Project Runway.

10. One day you could be in. And the next day— you’re out. Words to live by, Heidi. Words to live by.

We’re baaaaaaaaack!

We’re back, bitches! I’m sure you’ve probably been wondering where we’ve been, but since winning the coveted LOUIE Award, “Summer” has since become a verb and not a noun. As you know, we are very important. And haven’t you noticed that important people are asked, “Where do you Summer?” We have had places to go, but more importantly places to be seen!  And we have been around the globe and back- with LOUIE in tow.

Because it’s been such a busy summer we are ready to get back into the swing of things. We have some very exciting things coming up (as well as new product!!), but until the big reveal, we will leave you with some photos of Summer travels. Stay tuned…

The Kiwi Tree goes to New York…A story in pictures

So everyone that knows us (and even people who don’t know us but know someone who knows someone who knows us), knows about our big win. Yes, we were very honored to take home the coveted LOUIE award for one of our greeting cards. Our best description of the event is that it’s basically the Oscar’s of the greeting card industry. We were seated next to Hallmark and Papyrus. Ok, we weren’t sitting next to them. In fact those companies were in their own special section behind velvet ropes, but we were in the same ROOM as them, competing for the same LOUIE.

It was a glorious moment, when The Kiwi Tree was called as the winner of the Friendship/Encouragement- Humorous category for cards over $3.50 (think of it as Best Supporting Actress for a film under 1 hour). Our Tool card had made us proud. Who would have thought that telling your friend not to let her ex “back in her box” would win such a prestigious award? Well, we did!

Anyways, almost everyone knows about our LOUIE win. So I thought I’d share our New York City story, in pictures of course. Side note: This was my first trip to NYC.

First line of business once we checked into our hotel: find food and alcohol. So we ventured out and chose Serafina for lunch. Serafina isn’t just any old restaurant. The HOUSEWIVES frequent Serafina. If you need more clarification- we’re talking LuAnne, Ramona, Jill, OH MY! Of course, there were no Housewives to be found, as they were probably in the Hamptons.  Please notice the mimosas, bellinis, and wine in the picture below.

Day 1. Ladies at Serafina.

After getting my first NYC buzz, we headed out to Central Park. WOW! It was like looking out over a sea of half naked people, miles away from a beach, but getting what sun they can. I’ve never seen so many North Face fleeces combined with bikini bottoms in my entire life!

Day 1. Central Park Tanning.

After lounging at Central Park and getting a little sun ourselves, we headed back to our hotel to get ready for our first night out. We were going out with an awesome friend who lives in New York, and then heading out to see La Cage Aux Folles. Upon arriving at the hotel, we promptly began pre-celebrating.

Day 1. Pre-celebration champagne.

As we unpacked, we realized we had an extraordinary number of shoes. There were 4 of us. We were there for 2 days. And this wasn’t all of them.

Day 1. The Windowsill of Shoes.

Our first stop of the night- the W in Times Square for dinner and drinks. And what did we encounter on our way in? A rapper and his entourage. Now, I have no idea who the guy was, but I knew he was super cool and important judging by the crew he had with him. It was very exciting.

Second stop- La Cage Aux Folles. For those of you unfamiliar, this is the broadway show version of The Birdcage and stars Kelsey Grammer.  Outside of the show, however, we encountered our second celebrity sighting (the first being the rapper that we didn’t know). It was Isaac Mizrahi. Yes, Isaac Mizrahi, the designer. Oh, wait, no. It’s Michael Musto from The Village Voice. The guy with the glasses that does the VH1 Countdown shows. Yeah, I don’t know that he’ll be our biggest supporter, being we mistook him for Isaac Mizrahi.

Day 1. Isaac Mizrahi...Err...Michael Musto.

Anyways, La Cage Aux Folles was amazing. These dancers were incredible. These men looked better in lingerie than I do, and could bend in ways that Will could only dream of me doing. Sorry, Will.

We weren’t supposed to take pictures, but we did. Here’s Kelsey.

Day 1. La Cage Aux Folles with Kelsey Grammer.

On Day 2, we were heading out to SoHo to visit retailers and hand out wholesale kits. On our first trip on the Subway, I, of course, had NO idea how to work the machine to get the fare card. A small line had formed behind me and a very nice gentleman yelled at me “JESUS CHRIST HURRY UP!” I was so excited about my first New York City verbal assault! My experience in New York was proving to be authentic.

As I mentioned, day 2 was meant to be our day to go around and visiting retailers, handing out wholesale kits. We took a small detour and day drank instead.

Day 2. Lunch in SoHo.

But we needed to pace ourselves. Because that night was the Big Night. Time for the LOUIEs!

Day 2. Lookin' good before the LOUIEs.

Not many people know this, but we had another card up for a LOUIE. Our “Screwed” card was nominated for Superbly Stated- Humorous. Unfortunately, we didn’t win that one but luckily we had already practiced our gracious loser faces so as not to make a scene if we lost.  Sadly, though, Kristin and Jess couldn’t hold back their disappointment. Epic Fail.

LOUIEs. Gracious Loser Faces. Fail.

After our big win we took Louie out to celebrate. Here he is, just getting started.

Louie Celebrate 1.

He’s starting to get a little crazy, climbing up onto the beer taps.

Louie Celebrate 2.

We head to Bar #2, and Louie takes his first cab ride.

Louie Celebrate 3.

At Bar #2, Louie starts to lose his composure.

He starts out by seeing the NY view.

Louie celebrate 4.

But then he falls in the bushes.

Louie Celebrate 5.

He might not have known how to handle his liquor, but he did get lucky.

Louie Celebrate 6.

And here we are. The winners of a LOUIE, and his name is Louie. We can’t wait for next year, when maybe we’ll win Louie a brother or sister.

We Are Very Busy And Important…

OK, clearly I am exaggerating about that whole “important” part. But it is true that, this month, The Kiwi Tree’s social calendar could make Paris Hilton look like a total loser. Well, actually, Paris Hilton does a good job of making Paris Hilton look like a total loser, but I digress…

In lieu of our weekly dose of funny, I am going to share with you all of The Kiwi Tree’s upcoming events in hopes that you will join us in person or in spirit!

May 6th          Market Faire to benefit the Children’s Hospital of Kings Daughters 

May 8th          Spring Town Point Virginia Wine Festival in Norfolk, VA

May 17th        22nd Annual LOUIE Awards in New York, NY

May 30th       Kristin’s 31st Birthday in Virginia Beach, VA

June 19th      James River Cellars Summer Solstice Wine Festival in Richmond, VA

Additionally, The Kiwi Tree is getting ready to launch a NEW PRODUCT in June (no, not Kiwi Tree condoms:) This one is so much better! Stay tuned for the deets and a sneak peak!

And, if that wasn’t enough, we were asked to create a poster to advertise the Greeting Card Association’s LOUIE awards! This poster will be on display during the National Stationery Show in New York:

It’s Earth Day! Save a tree…plant a tree…buy a card from The Kiwi Tree…

So today is the 40th Earth Day (also known in my book as Make a Hippie Happy Day). On this day, I feel a little more guilty running the water while I brush my teeth, flushing the toilet after only one pee,  and not recycling the lid to my coffee cup from Wawa.

Other ways I will honor Earth Day:

1. I will continue to not own a Hummer
2. I will not chop down any trees
3. While I will not be riding my bike to work, I will not make fun of the people who do
4. I will demand that my local Outback only serve grass fed beef
5. I will give litter bugs the finger

According to the official Earth Day website, over 1 billion people in 190 countries will also take action to make the world a  better place.  People are doing all sorts of crazy stuff: putting coke bottles in their toilet tanks, installing wind turbines to power their homes, walking to work, and even vowing to not use paper ever again.

At The Kiwi Tree, we figured we’d piggy back on the good-will of man kind and ask our 800 Facebook “likers” to buy one card. Just one. How easy is that? Sounds like we’re a little less high maintenance than Mother Earth.

Yes, I know our cards are made from paper, but they’re funny and they make people laugh and laughter injects a positive gas into the atmosphere that will save the ozone layer, thus, saving the earth.

So on this Earth Day, do your part. Save a tree…plant a tree…buy a card from The Kiwi Tree… Free shipping from now until April 30th!

Best. Week. EVER!

Holy crap. I am actually speechless right now, so I will just show you a photo of me holding the most important piece of mail The Kiwi Tree has ever received…

This, my friends, is a letter congratulating The Kiwi Tree for being named a LOUIE Award Finalist in the Greeting Card Association’s 22nd Annual International Greeting Card Awards competition!

Seriously. That just happened.

Now, I know we just blogged about being a finalist in The Trendy’s, and that is an incredible honor. But, the LOUIE Awards are the greeting card industry’s equivalent of the Academy Awards, and out of 900 entries from 150 companies worldwide, The Kiwi Tree has been selected one of only three finalists for the best greeting card product of the year in TWO categories:

Friendship/Encouragement- Humorous:

and Superbly Stated!

I know, right? Un-believable. And, if this wasn’t enough to make you pee in your pants, The Kiwi Tree will get to travel to the LOUIE awards in NYC on May 17th where winners of all categories will be announced (please god, let there be paparazzi and a step and repeat!) That’s right. We will be rubbing elbows with greeting card giants such as American Greetings, Papyrus, Crane & Co., and the Museum of Modern Art (hear that Target and Hallmark??)

I would by lying if I said I didn’t feel a little bit like the Juno of greeting card companies right now. 

And, in true Kiwi Tree fashion, we want to spread the love! We are giving away both of our nominated cards to one lucky fan! All you have to do is leave us a comment (telling us how awesome we are, of course) and we will announce the winner in next week’s blog! (Please note that the blatant overuse of exclamation points is both necessary and intended!)