So they say TV rots your brain. But now that reality TV is all the rage, they say it’s even worse. Well, who are “they” anyway? If you find out, could you let me know? Because I have news for “them.” Not only has reality TV not rotted my brain, but it has actually made me smarter.
Seriously. I have learned some valuable things and even some life lessons from my beloved DVR. Books? Kindle? Who needs it?
Allow me to offer some proof…
1. I have learned that it’s probably not the best idea to spend thousands of dollars on furniture and accessories AFTER you’ve filed $11 million in bankruptcy. I’ll always be grateful for that piece of advice, thanks to Teresa from RHONJ.
2. Reduction, emulsion, foam, confit, jicima, puree, sweet breads, infusion. I can now hold my own at any Michelin Star restaurant thanks to a little show called Top Chef.
3. Did you know that they have these little strips you can buy if you’re breast feeding and want to go out drinking and you can just dip them in the milk the next day to determine if there’s still alcohol in your system?!? Seriously. It’s true. Just ask Kourtney Kardashian.
4. Do not rob a bank/steal a car/deal drugs/violate your parole/beat your spouse and then not do the time. Because Dog the Bounty Hunter will find you, pretend like he’s your friend, give you words of inspiration and then lock your ass up.
5. Business ethics 101: If an employee is stealing from you, let the bitch go. Thanks for the tip, Rachel Zoe. You. Are. Ah-MAzing.
6. Drinking and Driving don’t mix. (Real World, Hawaii. Shout out to Ruthie!)
7. If I become a mom and start feeling really bad about myself and I start to feel like my only path to happiness is to live vicariously through my kids, I now know the solution is so simple. Put ‘em in a pagent. Teach ‘em how to dance. Buy them thousands of dollars worth of makeup, costumes and hair extensions. Convince myself that this is really what THEY want to do. It will be soooo FUN!
8. Don’t even get me started on all the stuff I’ve learned from The Amazing Race. Languages, culture, traditions, geography, the importance of a good cab driver…I could go on for days.
9. If I ever want to pursue my singing career, I now know that I need to cut back on my pack a day habit and stop drinking a bottle of wine before noon. That’s what they told Kim on Real Housewives of Atlanta and it totally worked.
***Bonus lesson! Um, could this message BE any clearer? Don’t be tardy for the party. It’s just rude.
And perhaps the most useful piece of knowledge comes from the Emmy award winning (see, QUALITY tv here, people) show Project Runway.
10. One day you could be in. And the next day— you’re out. Words to live by, Heidi. Words to live by.
Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: | Rachel zoe, real housewives of new jersey, Reality TV, RHONY, The Amazing Race, Toddlers and Tiaras, Top Chef
it’s safe to say, you ladies currently hold the best “blogger/joke/storyteller/I-wish-I-would-have-said-of-that” title according to my vote count. and that’s topping chelsea handler! but then again, she is hosting the mtv awards where she will have two hours to try and still your title.
a blog post from you really makes 5pm that much sweeter. thanks for the post.